Beti Lo Mahr Do, Beta Lo Jahez Do
Marriages nowadays have become super inflexible especially for the people falling into the middle or lower classes of the society.
Well, it was explicitly mentioned by Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) 1400 years ago that there would come a time when “Nikkah will become expensive, and Zina (prohibited sexual encounters) would become cheap.”
But who cares?
Would it be fair enough to blame the elite class for the extra and unnecessary expenses on weddings these days? Or is it just another trend set by our society?
In this article, we are going to discuss the negative impact of the DOWRY and HAQ MAHR, both. How it has affected the system of the entire society, how the people have become even lustier in the name of this trend.
What are the causes of late marriages? Etc.
Brace yourself and keep scrolling; you’ll get the best solutions in the end as well.
Dowry, a Curse
Yes, you just read it right! Dowry is an ultimate evil in so many ways. Even our Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) said that whoever demands or even accepts the dowry, welcomes the curse of the angels.
It has become so hard and affordably to organize and manage the marriage of the children for even a person who works hard 9 am to 5 pm to serve his family.
If you cannot help the enough gifts for your daughter in the name of dowry, you are supposed to let your daughter stay unmarried for whole life. Because yes, that’s what our society is about!
The most miserable part is that the furniture, clothes, and stuff for daily use is not even considered to be a dowry and none of the families of groom feel shame accepting this stuff, and the most favorite sentence you’d get to hear would be
“Whatever you are giving is for your daughter only, she would get to enjoy all this, and this stuff won’t benefit us.”
You see? This double meaning sentence plays a role of a sword on the family of the bride who leaves them thinking that we surely are not doing any favors to the family of the groom rather we must make sure that our daughter gets all those benefits and luxuries in that house. Plus, we must also keep in mind the likes and choices of the in-laws of our daughter and make sure to craft happiness among them so that our daughter would be able to live with dignity and contentment in their house.
Alas! Poor, they, FORGET that the most expensive and dearly gift they are giving to the groom’s family is their daughter herself!
Another depressing part is that many females commit suicides just due to the extra demand of the dowry which leads towards the rejection of the proposals time and again.
The demand varies from cash, jewelry, smartphones, to motorcycles, cars and even property which create ultimate panic and pressurizes the bride and her parents at the time of the wedding and it doesn’t stop there, but all this continues even after marriage because greed has no cure.
Most of the women are traumatized even after marriage for not being able to bring the enough dowries for not only her but also for the in-laws which leave them depressed and down in the dumps.
Even in India, this has been a huge issue, and according to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), it was reported that in 2013, there were 8,083 deaths of women due to dowry demands, and 10,709 cases in which a woman and her family were harassed over dowry.
DOWRY was mainly initiated by Hindus and has nothing to do with Islam and Muslims as it is strictly mentioned in Islam that dowry is a curse.
Our HOLY PROPHET (Peace be upon him) stated that,
“The most blessed marriage is one in which the marriage partners place the least burden on each other.”
In another reference The Holy Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:
“The best marriage is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed.”
It is painful to see the teachings of Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) to be neglected.
Haq Mahr
As Islam is a complete code of life and it has always been very considerate towards its followers it provides the benefits to both the men and women in every aspect. But when it comes to the women, Islam has upgraded the dignity of women in the society as compared to that before Islam.
MAHR is an Arabic word which is also pronounced as Meher. It is one of the best examples of the rights of women in Islam. Basically, it is a compulsory payment which may or may not is in the form of money. It is promised to pay by either the groom or by the groom’s father, to the bride at the time of marriage that legally and officially becomes her property.
MAHR can either be money or anything that a wife demands such as some jewelry, furniture, home appliances or some property including land, etc.
THE HOLY QURAN says,
“And give women their Mahr as a gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome result.” (Surah Nisa: 4.)
According to THE HOLY QURAN, the actual purpose and meaning of this agreement of MAHR at the time of marriage (that is signed on a legal marriage paper) was to stress upon the honor and dignity of the women and secure her rights even after the wedding.
But guess what? This has also become a business for the greedy families.
Well, YES! Not only are the families of the grooms the perpetrator of the unnecessary demands and burden on the bride’s family but in some cases, the family of the bride also plays a scoundrel.
While the groom’s parents demand the dowry, the bride’s families pressurize to pay either the huge amount of money or property in the name of HAQ MAHR, and you have no chance because they are asking for nothing but a legal requirement. In this case, they are strong enough to demand the MAHR by claiming that it has been a part of religion to pay the HAQ MAHR demanded by the bride.
Did you just realize how these marriages have become another art of business?
“BETI LO MAHR DO, BETA LO JAHEZ DO”
Sounds so offensive. Right?
Late Marriages
After all this melodrama of the demanded DOWRY and HAQ MAHR, what else would you expect other than the late marriages?
Of course, this has now been a proper trend, and everyone is following it in a way that it is now a necessary evil. And both the families have to bear matching expenses of the worthless and unnecessary functions in the marriage including DHOLKI, BRIDAL SHOWER, MEHANDI, MAYON, RECEPTIONS. If you can not afford the DOWRY for your daughter and the HAQ MAHR for your son; DELAY THE DAMN MARRIAGE, Simple as that. Until you’d be “rich enough” to afford all these useless expenses you just have to calm your nerves, sit back and relax until the right time and money comes.
This may sound simple and accurate but this thought and trend is becoming the leading cause of so many problems in the society such as late marriages, late children birth including the difficulty of finding the perfect match and proposals for the daughters because as you wait for the right time to collect enough money for her dowry you already slip the best age to get your little girl married and now there is no point to wait for a prince charming to come and get your daughter.
You see how a single useless trend may affect not only one’s life but the entire system of the society.
Solutions
The best way to get rid of all these problems is to consider some solutions at both the individual and national level.
Government’s Role:
The most important part of solving all these problems regarding the dowry and Haq-mahr would be some active rules and regulations not only issued by the government but also must be forced to get implemented. Because the only way our nation may get under controlled is to do some legislation regarding this issue.
Penalty:
As the rules and regulations must be implemented there must be a penalty or punishment in case of denying those rules too. In this way, one would be strictly restricted to follow the rules and regulations issued by the government otherwise there must be a legal action taken towards the one violating the rules especially for the men or the family demanding the dowry and pressurizing the women and her family.
Khutbah Tun Nikkah:
The khateebs, in their sermons, must mention the prohibition of the unnecessary customs and traditions including dowry and excess mahr in Islam and also explain the resent of Allah in case of violation.
Mainstream Media and Social Media Campaigns:
The mainstream media should launch a proper campaign against the dowry, late marriages and excess Haq mahr in order to spread awareness among the people about how they are not only breaching the teachings of Islam but also causing the damage to the nation by creating unwanted customs and traditions.
Similarly, Social media activists must take proper responsibility of creating understanding and consciousness of these worthless and damage causing traditions among people.
Educate Girls:
Girls’ must be educated enough to deal with the greedy families who torture the women after marriage in the name of dowry. If done, they would never suicide but would be able to stand in front of those losers, face them and drag them to the court for the legal punishments rather getting depressed and down in the dumps.
Government Help:
To avoid the late marriages, the government must help the poor and needy families in the marriage of their daughters and provide enough stuff for their daughters to get married if at all the custom cant be cut. I repeat not the excess amount of money but just the enough stuff including the expense of the Nikkah and Rukhsati.
Conclusion
It is explicit that dowry is a wickedness and kind of corruption in the society which must end in the country. It leads towards the promotion of many conflicts, quarrels, and greed in the civilization and development. The people of Pakistan are well aware of dowry system and its evil abuses. Both love and arrange marriage, and both educated and illiterate people are practicing dowry system in the society of Pakistan. Nevertheless, people are not, this system. Moreover, girls become mentally affected, and parents lose their self-respect under the burden of dowry. The reason for exercising dowry is greed. The Middle class is the most involved in dowry system as compared to lower class. Also, to control this tradition youth and the government both shall take steps.
Similarly, being a punk and demanding HAQ-MAHR more than that the family of groom may afford is also a cruel act and creates quarrels among the couples and most of all, the relations made on the terms and conditions of money undoubtedly lacks the love and companionship in the relationship because all they agreed upon was money and the marriage becomes a materialistic contract rather the soul-to-soul connection between the two people.
When the problems of DOWRIES and excess HAQ MAHR will be solved, the issues regarding late marriages would be easy to overcome. There would be no more problems regarding the un-matched proposals for the females as the marriage would become easy.
Charity begins at home!
