Status, Issues and Solutions
The Victim of this System
Although female suffers a lot as she comes from a family who may have entirely different customs rules, she also sometimes gives up trying to maintain the peace in the household, but who pays for it? Yes, you guessed it right. The only person who has to face all this melodrama is the unfortunate husband\son. The man has to be strong in this joint family game to survive, but Oh, the poor man is traumatized from both the sides, i.e., the wife wants him to act like a good husband and favor her while the parents want him to be a lovely son he had been since childhood.
As a result, the poor husband becomes a sandwich between wife and parents. No, let’s say it a CLUB SANDWICH. How can we forget the primary element? The “Nannds”, the sisters-in-law of the family who always keep claiming their bhaiyya to pamper them like no one else. And here is when the Bhaiyya, Hubby and a Son start making efforts to keep all the members of the family happy as much as he can.
Wife Complaining the Husband
After a long tiring day when a husband reaches home most of the wives in a joint family system greet him by complaining about that entire day she suffered following by the list of the ration that was borrowed by her jithaani, and now she needs it as soon as possible otherwise he is dead without even knowing that the husband himself is really bothered by the rude behavior of his boss and wants a shoulder to cry on.
Parents Blaming the Son
As the poor man joins the dining table folks start complaining about how he has forgotten all the customs and values and he barely has time for them, about how he cares for his wife and children more than the parents although they need him more than anyone else because yeah, they are at that point of life when they want to be surrounded by their children. He tries to explain that he loves them more than anything this world, but he has been busy because of the rough office schedule but fails.
Sister Arguing with the Brother
Sister starts taunting about forgetting the “Burger” she asked for before coming to the house. Hearing the taunts like you no longer have the love for me brother and you want only your life to be happy, you don’t care what I want or need breaks the poor brother.
Children’s Dispute With The Daddy
Even children are ready with the loads of complaints that they want the same car which their uncle bought a few days ago. They also want to go to their friends’ house just like their cousins and want the same ipad their Chachi got for her son yesterday. Despite knowing the gadgets are harmful to his children the helpless daddy fails to convince them and is forced to get whatever they want.
Helpless Son\Husband\Brother\Father
After taking all the tantrums, the husband becomes truly helpless and feels like HE is the one who can’t maintain peace in the family and despite trying so hard he can’t keep all the family members together happily. He can’t even explain to anyone what is “HE” going through.
He just sits back and thinks what in the earth would solve all this? Would I even be able to get out of this ever? Or is this the life I have chosen for myself?
Would it be great if I had a separate family? I would not have to face such melodramatic issues daily. Just a regular phone call and a weekly visit would make the parents happy.
Gifts for my sister once in a month would let her know that I still love her and continue loving her forever. There would be no one to borrow the ration or the personal stuff from my wife, and she’d not complain anymore about running out of the budget again. My children would not adopt bad habits from their cousins and would stop arguing with me. I would make everyone happy by letting them know that THEY are my only priority.
But as soon as he thinks of leaving the joint family and starting the nuclear family he gets reminded by himself that there are no real images of a nuclear family in our society, and I’d be considered a rebel and terrible son if I leave my parents.
The deprived man goes back to sleep and wakes up another day having the same fresh issues and same thoughts of getting all this solved.
Conclusion
In Pakistan, when you are talking about a joint family system you mean a life full of compromises where the wife has to compromise in a daily routine in order to maintain peace while the husband is the victim who suffers from the dramatization and is traumatized by each member of the family because everyone wants him to behave according to their desires and needs. It happens when feelings of openhandedness, contributions, and sympathy are not balanced by firm ethical line, spirit, and farsightedness.
The conflicts among members are due to civilizing and habitual differences. The differences may also take place due to educational qualifications, working or earning levels. Additionally, if anyone is not happy or satisfied with other’s work, a fight occurs, and sometimes people even leave the house and separates themselves from the family which leads to more distance and heavy heart between the family members.
At the end, the husband survives as he has to choose between the parents or the wife which is the hardest decision in anyone’s life.
So, like everything has advantages and disadvantages same goes with the joint families.
Joint family can be run successfully if the members remain committed to each other. The feeling of togetherness and selflessness is the essence of joint family. The differences can be solved and sorted peacefully with smart thinking and wisdom.
Read Part-1: Click here
